Bowling

Can you tell I decided to work on my blog? I know - I am a slacker. And really these two new posts aren't real deep. I just decided to download my pics onto my computer - so I thought I would post some. Remember in my "Family" blog when I said we went bowling? Well - we went bowling again after Christmas - had a blast as usual! :) And I think it is extremely important to post pictures from the event. Especially since I bowled a 143 - which is the best I have ever done. AND I beat both my cousins and my uncles! It is a day that will never happen again - so lets remember it! I took a picture of my score - it is the one in the top right hand corner - don't know how well it will turn out. The other pics are of all the women on my mom's side (not including Grandma) and all the guys (not including my cousin Ryan). Yea! :)

Birthdays

Birthdays are great in my book. It is the one day out of the year when it gets to be about you. Even though mine was a few weeks ago - I had a fun picture - so I wanted to put it in. :) Had a great night out with good friends. We went and saw "The Holiday." Loved it - seen it twice! :) Life lessons taken from the movie...I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I have wasted years of my life...it is about time I start being the leading lady in my own life!

Value

This has been a topic that has come up a lot recently. Whenever something comes up repeatedly in my life I have learned to pay attention. It usually is something that God is trying to teach me. Sometimes - okay most times - it takes numerous attempts on His part to even get me to turn my head. But I am getting better. :)

Value. What am I worth? Do I believe that I have value? What gives value to the people around me? Do I think that they are worth anything? Is there a scale for value and worth that I am allowed to dish out as I see fit - even when it comes to myself? How do I treat people - and how does that affect their sense of worth or value? Back to the question do I believe that I have value - and how does that belief whatever it is affect the way I live my life?

Good questions. I would say that for most of my life I have not believed that I have value. I have spent most of my life being a people pleaser - always living in fear that if I don't do the right thing that someone won't like me. Which tells me that I don't believe that I have value as a person. Just me, Liz - who I am. That I am not good enough. That I have to prove it. I would say that in the past few years I have gotten better at the whole people pleasing thing - thanks to some good rounds of counseling! :) But what about that deep down belief? Has that changed at all?

Recently I had to look up the word "redemption" in the dictionary for a Bible study that I am in. (Side note: for those of you vocab snobs - you would be pleased to know that I have purchased a pocket dictionary and I carry it around with me most of the time b/c I am so drawn to knowing and understanding words. I think myself very silly for this - but maybe I am getting a little smarter! Couple that with my fake glasses - I could fool just about anyone!) One of the definitions of redemption in my dictionary said "to convert into something of value." It felt like a literal defining moment for me. God's redemptive act of dying on a cross for me - converted me into something of value. It isn't what I do or say - it is the value that God has given to me b/c of what he did! What HE did! And there is nothing I can or cannot do to change that. How beautiful and amazing is that?!

Since I read that, God has slowly been working on my deeply held beliefs about myself. He has been replacing the lies that I have believed for so long - with the Truth of His Word. He has also changed my thinking about those around me. I have no right to pick and choose who I give value to. Everyone is equal b/c Jesus died for them too - in turn giving them value. So although, at times, it seems like a really long process, He is changing the way I see others. Helping me to give people the time of day b/c they are worth it.

Anyway - lots more thinking to all of this - but don't want to go on and on. Let me know what you think!

Family

So, this Thanksgiving was the first time I have been home for the holiday in 6 years...as far as I can figure. My mom's side of the family is really close. I grew up seeing them ALL of the time - every holiday - every birthday - for no real reason except for the fact that we like being around each other. I was reminded this week of how much I love and have missed my family.

Maybe if you walked into the middle of one of our get togethers you wouldn't think we are all that fun or funny. Most people pretty much think we are crazy. But that is what I love about my family. We laugh - man do we laugh. I can remember a time laughing so hard at the dinner table as my cousin and I put little confetti angels in the butter. Or when my Grandma would say things that would open herself up to be made fun of - and my uncle would jump right on that - and all, including my Grandma, would be in tears laughing so hard. Or how EVERY Christmas, whether I was there or on the phone, someone would retell the story of when I was born and they brought me home and put me under the Christmas tree in my little red dress. (I was born 8 days before Christmas) And we cry together - when my cousin died 7 years ago - and when my aunt had breast cancer last year. These memories don't sound like much to the outside world - but they mean everything to me. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was in the middle of it again.

On Thursday, we had 16 people at our house. It was a miracle - all of the cousins were present. I am the oldest - the youngest being 23. I was amazed at how much we have grown up. We talked about how things are going in our lives - jobs, school, future plans, marriage, beginnings and endings of relationships - how weird it is to be home. We always play some silly game outside - this year we just hit the wiffle (sp?) ball around and laughed at each other. On Friday, we went bowling! It has been a tradition for a few years that I have missed out on. But they welcomed me right in - everytime I got a strike or a spare (which was like 4 times in 3 games - I suck at bowling!) they all stood and cheered and game me high fives!

I love my family. I have been away for so long. And knowing that a big chunk of the rest of my life may take place away from them makes my heart ache. B/c they are so much a part of who I am. At the end of the day, if nothing else - besides the Sunday school answer of "Jesus" - I have my family. I feel extremely blessed to have grown up with a family that loves each other deeply. That excepts each member for who they are - and supports them in whatever they do. I love it that we laugh and cry together. I love it that we play stupid games and go bowling! I am thankful for my wonderful family and who I am because of their place in my life! I am who I am today, in part, because of them. And I am thankful.

Stir In Me

Have you ever had the experience of being in the car, listening to the radio and a song that is on hits you so hard that you almost have to pull over?

I had somewhat of that experience this morning - except I wasn't in my car! (The car thing has happened to me before though! :)) I was at church - the usual worship time. I love music - so when we sing it is usually my favorite part. Today we sang a song called, "Stir In Me". It is by Todd Proctor - who is probably a really popular worship leader - but I have never heard of him! :) I have never heard the song before either. But in that moment - it hit me like a ton of bricks. Here are the words:

Stir in me a fire that the world cannot explain.
I come to worship You.
Stir in me a passion that my heart cannot contain.
I come to worship You.

Hold me, break me, mold me and make me more and more like You.
I come to worship You.
To love You, fear You, draw ever near You as I worship You.
I come to worship You, Oh Lord.

Keeper of my heart. Author of my days.
Shaper of my dreams. Shepherd of my way.
Take this sacrifice. Take my yielded life.
I come to worship You, Oh Lord.
I'm here to worship You, Oh Lord.

Now, I can't say that I am a big fan of the way it is sung...in happy, upbeat, Christian music style. Although, the worship team at church did a way better job of it than the version I found on Itunes. :) But the WORDS - Dang Gina! They hit me this morning.

It is my prayer - that God would STIR IN ME - a fire and a passion that is HUGE! No more of this everyday blah, blah, blah Christianity. There has got to be more than this - and I am out to find it. And although I am extremely fearful, which is totally not of the Lord, of what it might look like to sacrifice and yield my life...I want Him to break me, mold me and make me more like Him.

I am constantly trying to get myself to truly believe that HE is the Keeper of my heart...since I don't even pretend to know what guarding my heart looks like. That HE is the Author of my days...since the end pages of the book seem scary and so out there. That HE is the Shaper of my dreams...since the dreams that I have come up with haven't panned out all that well. And that HE is the Shepherd of my way...since I can't see my hand in front of my face most of the time without Him guiding me.

More than anything it gave me words for what my heart has been silently saying. I want my life to be one big worship service!!! So - this is my prayer.

Where it all begins

I have heard it before, that when looking at an ice berg we only see 10% of it. The other 90% is below the water. It came up again recently in a sermon at church. The pastor was talking about how what we do on the outside is only the seen 10%. What shapes our actions on the outside is the 90% that is below the surface.

I have spent the last 9 or so years doing the 10%. Here and there I have hung out below the surface and worked on the other 90%. But I believe that the season of life I am currently in - is one of living under the water. And I don't want to come up for breath until I have at least explored all of what is down there. Don't know how long it is going to take - but I am prepared for the long haul. Would love to have you join me on the adventure! :)