See the picture that I have as my profile picture up in the corner? That picture is called "Solitude". I have a slightly larger version of it hanging up on my wall in the corner above the chair in my room. I saw it hanging in the apartment of a friend of mine last fall - and it struck me. So I went out, bought a copy of the print, framed it and 6 months later hung it on my wall! :) Yes - I am notorious for not hanging things on my wall - so what! :) There are psychological reasons for that due to what seems like constant moving and change in my life over the past 10 years - but hey - it finally got up on the wall! We are making progress.
Probably for the past year God has been after me about this whole solitude thing. I think it was last spring...or maybe beginning of the summer...I was working three jobs and running around like a crazy person just trying to keep my head above water. I was with people ALL of the time! For me - that is usually okay because I love people. I get my energy from people. But I was struggling. The busyness of life was for sure taking its toll on me.
I made an appointment to meet with my counselor. SIDE NOTE: If you have never gone to counseling - holy cow - GO! I love it! If I had lots of money to go all the time I would! Okay - maybe not all of the time - but some. What a gift it is to have someone look at your life from an outside perspective and shed light on things that you can't neccessarily see. Anyway...I was talking to him and he looked at me and said, "Liz - you need to schedule time in to just be alone." And I thought - yeah - you try living in my life and see how that works! And he said something very profound next, "What are you afraid of?" I hadn't realized until that moment why I was never alone. The main reason why I was never alone wasn't because of the schedule I kept - it was because I was afraid of what I would find when I was alone. In the silence and solitude I would have nothing but me to deal with - and that wasn't a very fun option at that point in time. So I stayed busy and around people.
I can't say that I made changes all that quickly. But over the past 9 months God has slowly brought me around to really enjoy solitude. I have had to learn to sit in the silence and take some hard looks at me and who I have become. At times there have been many tears and lots of anger. Other times it has been restful. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time. Going forward I don't want to waste anymore. I have learned that when I make room for solitude and silence - that is when I hear God - and I am changed. I have learned that I NEED solitude. It is a very good thing.
Another observation that I have made about solitude is that often God calls people into a time of it in preparation for big things ahead or for a next step in life. That is what I feel like this move to MN has been for me. Not that I am alone here - I am surrounded by wonderful people. But with the exception of two - none of my "heart friends" are here. I have been forced to be alone in respects of walking everyday life away from the people who I lean on and who understand me. That has been very difficult - but really good in that it has forced me to turn to God. He has gotten my attention unlike any other time in my life over the past 9 months. He has taken advantage of me being here - or maybe was it that He placed me here for just that purpose?! I think the later.
I have been in a season of preparation for the next step in life. I can say without a doubt that I wouldn't be ready for it if I hadn't incorporated solitude and silence into my life. As I wait for God's promises to me that I have heard in those times - I reflect on how far I have come and I am grateful! This season is almost up - and while I am excited for the next chapter - I want to continue to make the most of the one I am in. Got to keep my eyes on Him for that!
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