ITSHOLWCS Part 7: All Roads Lead to Him

It seems fitting that I am writing this particular blog tonight. It is hot and humid here. I have the fan going in my room - but it isn't really doing the trick of getting rid of the sticky, hot air. Reminds me of many a night in my beloved Africa.

Those last three words "my beloved Africa" bring tears to my eyes. I love Africa. I lived there for three years - three of the hardest and best years of my life. A piece of my heart will always be there. Always.

Ever since I got back from this last stint I have been longing to get back to Africa. I took a short term trip last summer and that sealed the deal. Africa...that has been the only option. That was where God was calling me to go. Africa...it has been who I am. I even remember having coffee with a friend last year and him asking me what if you meet the man of your dreams and he doesn't want to live in Africa. I said, "then he isn't the man of my dreams". Oh - some day I am going to learn to stop making really big statements like that! Have I not seen how God works - and that He is never predictable?

As I said a few blogs back, God has me on a faith journey like none other I have ever been on. Part of this journey came into play a few weeks ago. I was praying for my future and when I pray for that Africa is always involved. God began speaking to me - not in an audible voice - but speaking nonetheless. He said, "Liz, you are not going to live in Africa." Well - you can guess my reaction to that! Let's just say I wasn't happy and we had a few words about it. The gist of the conversation was that He never told me I would live there again - just that I would do ministry there. He asked me to do a very hard thing - surrender Africa to Him. He said that I don't have to give it up - it will always be a part of my life. But I need to surrender it. I didn't talk to Him for a few days.

I finally came back around and was praying about it. There is a sign that was hanging on my wall right above my closet. It says - All Roads Lead to Africa. In my prayer, as I was fighting with all I had against God's request of me - I said, "But God - all roads lead to Africa." Very, very clearly He said, "All roads lead to me". Silence. I realized in that moment that Africa had become my god. More than anything I wanted to serve God - as long as it was in Africa. Lord - send me anywhere - as long as it is Africa. I will give up everything for You - except Africa. I had taken my eyes off of Jesus and focused them on the goal of Africa. Now - having the goal of being a missionary forever in Africa isn't a bad thing. I truly believe that my motives have been pure in desiring to serve there. But somewhere along the way I lost the ability or maybe the desire to hear what God wanted instead of what I was planning. He continued on in our conversation and said, "I could send you to Africa and you would do well there. But it is not my best for you."

So I have surrendered Africa. Sigh. I haven't quite got my head or my heart wrapped around it yet. But it will come. It isn't God's best for me - so it isn't where I want to be. I am thankful that it will be a part of my life but need to grieve the loss of it being my life. God is right, of course, that all roads lead to Him. He is who I need to set my eyes on. I have been reminded of how quickly life can change and how if I am not tied to the Vine and if I am not asking God everyday if I am where I need to be - I can get so far off track. I am also reminded of what a loving God we have, that waits until I am strong enough to hear it to bring my detour back to the path that leads me to Him.

The sign no long hangs above my closet. I took it down as a tangible act of surrender. It's absence reminds me to pray and to seek out what God has for me next. He has shed a little light on that...but that is for another time.